Back in December they ran a billboard in New York City with this sophomoric content – “Christmas Quality, Chanukah Pricing.” That ran into a firestorm of criticism and they had to literally pull the ads down.

You’d think they would have learned and moved forward in a number of new ways to get their message across. Get a new creative team, hire a new agency, and/or get internal marketing and advertising folks who know what they are doing. There are dozens of ways to get the quality-low price message across in a fun, even shocking way without being offensive.

Listen Wódka, you may think that putting a lampshade on your head is funny but trust me, after the 5^th grade it loses some of its appeal.

This time they have run a billboard with “Escort Quality, Hooker Pricing.” The best I can say for it is that it’s lame. But to compound matters they chose to run the ad on the Bruckner Expressway (trying to reach Westchester commuters) in the Hunts Point section of the Bronx. According to the Daily News, “When I saw it I almost fell out of my seat, said Rafael Salamanca Jr., district manager for CB 2 (local Community Board). That’s an inappropriate billboard given what the Hunts Point community has gone through in the past.”

Some advice for the managing partner for Wódka’s marketing company, MMG. Outdoor advertising and alcohol have always been on tenuous grounds and this is not a good thing for your brand or for the industry. The childishness of the ad is not worth the effort.

The genius who loves this campaign is probably saying something about how even negative publicity is good publicity. Well, that’s not always the case. Especially when there are competitive brands with more positive messages than buy me I’m cheap.

So far as the outdoor company is concerned – shame on you for allowing this to go up. That company used to have high standards and community sensitivity. I guess an ad about hookers fits their current business practices.

Ad Age, Buffalo Trace Newsletter, Wine and Spirits Daily, Shanken News Daily and others have all had stories about Cider and its potential as the next “craft” brew.

At first I thought – no way. Cider (Hard Cider that is) has been around for centuries and never caught on. Most people I know who have come here from the UK, sooner or later miss Cider and wonder why Americans don’t drink it. I don’t know why that is – no acquired taste for it; perceptions that it’s too sweet; dislike of apple juice; confusion about what it is; just because it’s not in consumers’ frame of reference. There are lots of reasons.

If you look at the numbers, related to beer (including craft), Cider is comparable to a fly on an elephant’s ass. Yet, it grew at around 4% (on average) over the last five years compared to beer, which was slightly down over the same period. An Ad Age article back in Nov 2011 reported that sales climbed 25% last year. Here is an excerpt:

Cider is still a tiny fraction of the alcohol category and is not about to threaten beer, wine or spirits for booze dominance. But while mainstream beer brands are declining, cider is growing at a furious pace, drawing premium prices, coveted women drinkers and even more male fans attracted to bold flavors.

Hmm.

Then this week I read that MillerCoors has bought the Crispin Cider Co, a brand that grew over 200% last year. A-B has decided to jump in and is planning to launch Michelob Ultra Light Cider. Although, in the A-B case, I would guess they thought, “What the hell, the Michelob brand isn’t going anywhere, might as well make it a Cider.” Between the two, my money is on Crispin.

So I bought a pack and tasted Crispin Natural Hard Apple Cider. Not bad… it’s crisp, refreshing and at 5% alcohol, pretty much equivalent to a beer. Packaging is premium and this product can appeal to both men and women.

I haven’t done product reviews in this blog but I intend to in the future, so stay tuned.

For now, I’m leaning toward continued sales growth and acceptance by consumers. It will appeal to those looking to discover new drinks and new tastes. That will build awareness and trial, particularly among sophisticated craft beer drinkers. I also believe that Cider can take a chunk of share from Ready-To-Drink (RTD) products, particularly the Smirnoff stuff. (Are they still making that from malt?)

I think the allure of Cider will be based on its naturalness, unique non-clawing taste and imagery that appeals to a wide demographic base in terms of age and gender.

So yeah, Cider could be the next big thing.

A good friend and former colleague had a wonderful way of putting it, “At Seagram, you didn’t become a millionaire but you sure lived like one.” Or, at least, ate like one.

Two stories come to mind.

Toward the end, a world-class global marketing person was hired to unify the disparate marketing and communications efforts around the world. A pretty decent guy with a long pedigree and great skills at managing upward. Above all, he was a top-notch eater. At company related events involving food, he always seemed to have a look on his face akin to orgasmic pleasure.

I wasn’t there at the time but at least a dozen marketing folks tell the story of a particular eating incident in London. The cocktail reception for customers was the usual elaborate affair with passed hor d’oeuvres and a buffet designed with both the gourmet and gourmand in mind. As the evening progressed, his brand management entourage reminded the gentleman in question, that they needed to move on to a business dinner. He was reluctant to leave; particularly as the grilled lamb chops were being offered. They pressed him and grudgingly he agreed to go but not before he grabbed three or four of the succulent gems from the tray.

The team was astonished. They reminded him that there was no time to eat them since the car was waiting. Undeterred, he proceeded to stuff the lamb chops into each of his front jacket pockets and headed for the car.

In the car, on the way to the business dinner, he happily chomped away at his prize as his colleagues stared at each other in total dismay.

I was there when the other story took place.

It was at a meeting in Canada at a Four Seasons hotel. We had been very busy touring the market and learning about the Canadian spirits industry. The plan was to meet in the lobby then head off for dinner with our Canadian hosts.

Adjacent to the lobby was a bar with a tray of delectable nibbles, including sushi, right out front. One of my colleagues, also known for his voracious appetite, spotted the tray, assumed they were munchies for the guests and, before anyone could say a word, grabbed some sushi. Obviously, he was famished. After all, it might have been two or three hours since we last ate.

Just as he was about to pop the sushi in his mouth, we heard a shriek and the beverage manager ran up to him shouting, “Don’t eat that…it’s a display and the food has been there all afternoon.”

Sheepishly, he tossed the errant sushi in the trash. But for a moment, he looked like he didn’t believe her and debated eating it anyhow. Twenty minutes is a long time to wait for dinner when you’re hungry.

Nevertheless, a spokesman for the Wine Council was quoted as saying, “Wine remains an enigma, a mystery, and we have to solve the mystery if we want to expand the consumer base.”

I think I have the answer. Borrow a page from the vodka folks and use strange flavors (cake, whipped cream, marshmallow, bacon, etc.) to expand the market.

Or, better yet, I came across a blog posting that would fit the de-mystifying of wine and broaden its appeal. Wine fermented from strange ingredients.

Robert Lehrman is a DC lawyer whose firm concentrates on the federal regulation and approvals of alcohol beverages (beer, wine and spirits). Robert is a really good guy (despite his chosen profession). He also publishes a blog about alcohol products and labels approved by the TTB. Here is the link.

It turns out that Robert is keeping track of approvals of wines made from assorted foodstuffs other than grapes. As of this week he has listed 42 such approvals and predicts the list will keep growing to perhaps 70.

The list obviously includes the gamut of fruits such as apple, peach, banana, figs, pears, pineapple, various berries and melons. Vegetables abound on the list as well, including tomato, onion, pepper and avocado. There are also flower wines (Jasmine, Hibiscus, Linden, Elder, etc.) and a load of exotic stuff including Mangosteen and Lychee.

But my favorite is Garlic wine. Don’t laugh; it happens to be good for cooking and for keeping vampires away from your cellar. Not so good on a first date.

I can hardly wait for the reviews and ratings.

I’ve had more than my share of exposure to these firms over the years and one of the reasons I enjoy the non-corporate life is not having to deal with consultants who ask for your watch so they can tell you what time it is.

My first experience while at Seagram was with a “household name” company that received tens of millions to suggest a straightforward and logical reorganization. I couldn’t help but feel that those who brought these folks in were either 1) not smart enough to figure it out for themselves or 2) needed the air cover of outside consultants, as in whom to blame to counter complaints or in the case of failure.

On another occasion, I recall the retention of a buzz-name consulting firm hired to help figure out what to do about the tequila category. They basically regurgitated strategic and other documents that the internal team had prepared. What, you don’t accept the opinions of your own people but feel comfortable taking the same advise from outsiders because you spent millions on it?

I understand the role and use of consultants for staff augmentation, discovering and applying best practice, even increased analytic capabilities. But I don’t get the use based on “external change force for political cover” or “fresh perspective.” If your own people can’t do this then get new people.

There are a few deep dark secrets of these consulting firms that should be spotlighted. The first is that the tens of millions dollar fee and resulting recommendations are often generated by straight-from-business-school neophytes with limited to no real world experience.

Second, the single most important goal of a consultant is to get the next project.

Research in Motion (RIM), the makers of BlackBerrys, is having some problems. Their stock is down, the new line of products has been delayed for a year and there are rumors of corporate sharks looking to take a bite out of them.

In the view of most observers, the problem stems from too many choices. Since 2007, they have introduced 37 models including BlackBerrys that flip, slide, with touch screens, touch screens and keyboards, high and low end products. The product line is too complicated. In a recent NY Times article, a market research firm estimated that their market share slipped from almost half in 2009 to roughly 10 percent in the US.

Compare that to Apple’s iPhone. There have only been four since 2008 and all were the same but differed only in storage or capabilities from earlier models. Apple made it simple and less is more.

A marketing professor at the London Business School was quoted in the Times article as saying, “Too many options can be frightening and overwhelming.” In fact, other studies on the subject have indicated that, while people claim to like abundant choices,  too many leads to confusion, increased concern about risk (making the wrong choice) and ultimately dissatisfaction.

Let’s turn to the alcohol industry.

Budweiser has lost the #2 position in beer to Coors and is now the third largest brand. There are lots of issues at play here but the overwhelming packaging choices consumers face at the store exacerbates the situation. At my last visit to a large beer retailer, I was assaulted with a dizzying array of cans, bottles and package sizes in 6, 12, 18, 24 and 30 packs. I bought a 6 pack of a craft beer.

How about rum? Captain Morgan came in Original Spiced, Silver Spiced (for those who didn’t like amber rum), Private Stock (an upmarket extension) and Parrott Bay, a brand extension and Malibu competitor. Each product in the line up had a strategic reason for being.

At a recent visit to the CM website, I counted 15 products in the line. Seven were for the base CM brand including Tattoo, Lime Bite, 100°, and Long Island Iced Tea. Eight were line extensions in the Parrott Bay brand extension category. Talk about confusing.

Compare that to Sailor Jerry. One brand, one message and one position. The brand is growing rapidly with a compound 5-year annual growth rate of close to 50%. Captain Morgan’s growth has been sluggish over the same time frame despite the massive number of SKUs. (For those of you in the business, it sounds to me like – good for shipments not so good for depletions.)

In a recent interview with Wine and Spirits Daily, Diageo USA President, Larry Schwartz, had this to say about Captain Morgan:

“I think we got a little sophomoric at some point, and I think now we’ve brought it back. We were operating too much in the beer space…”

Larry, it’s all about consumer choices and confusion. You might want to think about Crown Royal as well.

When I came to Seagram, the brand was selling at roughly the 3.3 million case levels. Thanks to Snoop Dogg’s Gin and Juice rap song, it grew to close to 4 million cases by the late 1990s. Today, the brand is still the leading gin but its sales are in the 2.5 million case range.

The product story of Seagram’s Gin epitomized the fundamental values of the company. In the commitment to quality and brand differentiation, someone way back when (perhaps Mr. Sam himself) decided that an American Dry Gin could be smoother and more tasteful if it were rested in charred oak barrels for 90 days. That resulted in a more expensive proposition and gave the product a pale straw color. Then, they decided to put it in an “ancient bottle” which evolved into the “bumpy” bottle the brand uses today.

In effect, from 1939 on, marketer after marketer pushed for the yellow tint to be removed and to figure out how best to deal with the bumpy bottle.

The consumer of the brand was, and still is, primarily Black. Many of the brand managers – regardless of their racial background – tried to change the audience composition. A small fortune was spent on marketing to the “general market” as though Beefeater Martini and Tanqueray and Tonic drinkers would suddenly switch to the yellow gin in the funny looking bottle.

Still, the hope and investment lingered on until a few things began to get through the thick skull of the brand manager in charge of Seagram’s Gin (for those of you who recall, he was a poster child for the Peter Principle).

First, among the brand’s myths, was the belief that the product had aphrodisiac capabilities. I have no idea how this happened; it must have been due to the yellow hue. As I recall, the reaction ranged from confusion to delight, mixed with concern about what to do. Finally, the ad agency came up with a campaign called “Everything they say about it is true.” Which commented on the brand’s equity and threw in a dose of confirmation. It ran for some time until the public affairs and legal folks got nervous.

Next came the game changer in the form of Mr. Dogg.

A common off premise consumption pattern was the cooperation among the drinkers, one of whom bought a bottle; another provided the cups and another brought the juice. The end product was gin and juice. And, Snoop Dogg made it famous with the song “Gin and Juice” and especially these lyrics:

Now I got me some Seagram’s gin

Everybody got they cups but they ain’t chipped in

Now this type of shit happens all the time

You gotta get yours, but fool, I gotta get mine.

The brand took off and thanks to the Tropicana relationship, a new premixed gin and fruit juice product was born called Gin & Juice.

My favorite recollection has to do with a launch meeting for the brand in the Southern region. I wasn’t there but this is how I pictured the event. The senior folks in charge went through the pitch, the brand’s reason for being and the likelihood of success. It was now time to taste the product. A bottle was removed from the case and an attempt was made to open it. The cap wouldn’t turn. No big deal, it happens. A second, third and fourth bottle was removed and tried again. None would open. The force of closing the cap at manufacturing was so great that it was impossible to open any of the bottles.

But at least we found a way to deal with the yellow hue.

Postscript:

The difference between how Seagram marketed gin to the Black consumer and how Pernod does it today can be seen by the following example. At Seagram, we spent much time and money finding emerging black artists whose work we showcased and publicized. Black history month was also a focal point.

At Pernod, some genius recently ran a program that co-packed a Du Rag on every bottle.

Très élégant.

Du rag promotion

“Upper Midwesterners drink more. Could it be our northern European roots? The weather?”

The story goes on to report that Minnesota is one of the top 5 drinking states in the US. Experts point out that part of the explanation is that many residents in the upper Midwest are descendants from countries with high alcohol consumption. Another reason given, of course, is the long cold winters and indoor activity that goes nicely with alcohol consumption.

It reminded me of a story I heard from the late Jerry Mann about the adventures of booze salesperson in the upper Midwest. (See March 25, 2010 for another tale.)

It seems this ambitious young salesman was given the territory in the Midwest that included Minnesota and Wisconsin. As a person who grew up in more moderate winter climates, he was a bit out of his element.

After a long, bitter cold day north of Minneapolis, the salesman decided to call it a day and drove to the hotel he had booked for the night. He checked in, dropped his suitcase and immediately headed for the bar. He figured it’s early, so he’ll check the brands on the back shelf, order a drink and chat with the bartender.

While he sipped on his Seagram’s Gin on the rocks, he introduced himself to the bartender and a conversation ensued. The first question the salesman asked was about the parking garage.

“Listen pal,” he starts off. “I noticed when I pulled into the garage, there are all these wires hanging from the ceiling that look like electric plugs. What’s that all about?”

“How long ago was that?” asked the barman.

“About 5 maybe 10 minutes ago,” the salesman replied.

The barman says in a very Midwest accent, “Those are for engine block heating and they connect to the engine to keep it from freezing. Most of the cars up here, especially rentals, have a plug to connect to them. I hope you used it.”

“Oh hell,” says the salesman as he gets up to leave. “I didn’t know…I’ll be right back.”

The barman stared at him, smiled and said, “Forget about it. It’s too late now.”

The salesman sits down, takes out a cigarette, lights it and takes a puff. He smiles at the barman and says, “Well, in that case, make this a double.”

The newspaper also has a story about a burglar and an interesting new twist to an old excuse.

Charged with felony burglary (among other related offenses), the gentleman in question broke into a home, stole some property and a foot race with police ensued. When he thought he had escaped, he broke into another home but this time lay down on the couch, took his shoes off and went to sleep. The homeowner found him the next morning and promptly called the police.

He told the police that he didn’t know how he got there and the last thing he remembers was drinking marshmallow-flavored vodka.

They should throw the book at him – mainly for his bad taste in booze.

The report brought to mind an article in Wine & Spirits Daily back in October. Speaking to the National Beer Wholesalers Association, Tom Long of MillerCoors, indicated that the beer industry could learn a thing or two from spirits marketing.

To further illustrate the problem, according to Ad Age, AB InBev spent $555 million in measured media last year and still managed to lose a full share point. MillerCoors spent just under $400 million and lost half a share point. How does that work? Together they spent nearly a billion and lost market share. Is it the creative? Is it the media? Is it that consumer alcohol tastes are shifting to craft beers and spirits/wine? Probably all of the above.

Therefore, as a public service, I scoured the Internet to see if there is anything out there that I had not yet covered that might help the beer people.

First I thought about innovation.

What about new flavors? Look at the growth in flavored vodkas. First fruit then vegetables then exotic fruit, now all kinds of stuff. How about Whipped Cream, Marshmallow, Cupcake, Peanut butter? Probably too froufrou for the macho beer drinker.

How about new venues? I just read where White Castle is thinking about joining other fast food spots in testing the sale of wine and beer. On second thought, White Castle is where you go after drinking, if at all.

So, I came to the conclusion that the answer lies in celebrity tie-ins. There have been a slew of them in 2011, some as celebrity ownership and some as endorsements. All are in the spirits or wine business and none in beer, until recently. Here’s a blurb from the LA Times about the Hanson brothers: “Hanson burrowed into our heads with their hit 1997 song “MMMBop.” Now they want space in our gullets with their soon-to-be-released beer MMMHop IPA (Indian Pale Ale). They may want to consider co-packing the beer with other Hanson logo products – toothbrushes or lunch boxes.

How about signing a deal with Sean Diddy Combs? After making a ton with Ciroc vodka, I’ve read that he is looking at tequila. Either Diageo didn’t sign him to spirits exclusivity or they want to do a tequila tie-in or he just wants to move on. Perhaps a beer company can get this booze pied piper to pimp their beer.

Here are some other celeb efforts:

Sammy Hagar, after selling off the majority of Cabo Wabo Tequila, now has a new spirits brand called Sammy’s Beach Bar Rum. I guess he thinks that lightning will strike twice. If it does, maybe he’ll do a beer.

Perhaps the beer folks should look at celebrity tie-ins with those who have recently entered the wine business. Like retired basketball player Yao Ming selling his Yao Family Wines exclusively in China. Or, AC/DC distributing wines in Australia called Drops of Jupiter Petite Syrah and Calling All Angel’s Chardonnay.

What about celebrities from the reality shows? Bethenny Frankel may be available now that her Skinnygirl brand has been acquired. The beer people could use her for light beers. A real natural would be “The Situation” who is supposedly hawking protein vodka.

So the beer people have lots to choose from. But my favorite is country music star Toby Keith who launched his Wild Shot mezcal. I love what he had to say about it the Bloomberg BusinessWeek,

“All the whiskey’s already been spoken for…and everyone’s got a vodka, and one of my buddies does tequila…But, there was no one doing mezcal.”

Talk about insightful marketing analysis. He’d be great for a beer brand.